Miscellanous Bits n Pieces

Hard Times

They say that when you have hard times it helps to talk to people and get it out, talk it out and that it is good to know that someone understands you.. but do they? I do not think so, even if they went through something similar they do not, because everyone works differently and processes feelings differently..

When I talk to somone it helps me to talk to my friends, since they do not tell me what I should do or what they would do, they just listens and that sure might help. But family tends to tell you their opinion and give you their advices however wanted they are – and most of the time they are unwanted and most of the time you do not even ask for them but they still feel the need to give them..

I am now having slightly hard times, it is not something that I can not survive but well for young person it feels like almost the end cause I put a lot into something and had my hopes and dreams crushed with one letter and what more it was automatically generated so no real person actually put effort to write it or at least sign it, but it still had a power to crush my hopes and dreams…

And all I could do was to just put together few non smiley smiley faces on facebook, sort of like a scream, cause I did not know what to do. I just put it there not hoping for anything other then for it to be like a miracle magic trick and help me feel better… which unfortunately did not happen – what a surprise.. what I did not expect was reaction of some of my friends because they were asking what happened and even inviting me for friendly chat with cookies and such which made me feel nice and sad both, because the last thing I wanted was to make them worry about me.

But what really heped me was music and my art, I was listening to music all day and drawing all day long… 

During the angry phase of the day I listened to “Another brick in the wall” from Pink Floyd, which kinda elped since they sing that “we do not need no education, no thought control..”, Janis Joplin´s screeching also helped so her “Cry Baby” was a must listen song for the day.. Because when you are sad or angry nothing helps more then pretending to be Janis Joplin and  screeching into your hair comb helps even more – one of those massive huge ones is the best. Somehow it also helped my inspiration and helped me create some sketches.. Images of myself sitting in grass during Woodstock and listening to her and other, weed in one hand beer in other and pink sunglasses sitting on nosewere in my mind and that made me smile..

Somehow I felt like all these songs were speaking to me more then ever – was it only my imagination and the effect of my bad emotional state? 

Somewhere in between I think was “Yesterday” from The Beatles cause “ yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away.. now I long for yesterday” . But with better mood came the Led Zeppelin and their “Immigrant song”“whole lotta love” or “Dazzed and Confused” oh and I think “Black dog ” too cause this music gave me all the energy and helped me to really shout it out – sure i had better mood meaning I was not ready to cry whenever I remembered it but I was in the mood for tough rythm and drums and guitar and dear ol´ Led Zeppelin was really what I needed, it was not about the emotional screeching of Janis or the isolation of Pink Floyd but more about the angry pent up rebelious energy you feel when you get over the crying and you feel like smashing something..

And when I got into the phase of being above all this and just accept it as it is, something I can not change now but maybe later if I again work more for it, I was ready for the songs of The Beatles and John Lennon and their “ Hard days night” followed by “Hey Jude” because they were right we have to “take a sad song and make it better “ cause we were “ made to go out and get her” and also their “Let it be” since when you find yourself “ in times of trouble.. in hour of darkess.. there will be an answer.. Let it be” ..

Somehow these songs all spoke to me and these songs and my drawing worked as therapy and made it easier to  see that maybe this is a chance to try something new, find something new and better… Maybe it does not seem like it now – well it does not – but it will soon hopefully.

So the hard times may, and hopefully will be, a chance for something new.

The bad thing about hard times is that you never know when it will come again and how you will deal with them..


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