Little Tea Time Writings

The unwanted help offered out of love 

Your family loves you and they want to help you sp you can live a better life right? But at the same time their desire to help may create a tension, however weird it may sound.

Because young people want to be independent and do things on their own so they can find out who they are and who they want to be and what they can do. If family comes into this and offers help, with good intentions of course, young person may not be happy. Why, you ask?

Well there might be the feeling that there is pressure to accept the offer even if it is unwanted. If it is offer for job or help finding it there is again pressure to accept, even if the job is something the young person would never want to do. There is also the fact that the family will often ask questions like “why not”.

Family also tends to come with advice that comes from exeperience earned through life and will often say that you have to “start somewhere”.  What no one realises is that all this “well meant advice and help” is what this can do to young person.

They may easily translate this as if the family says ” you need help because you can not do it on your own” or “you need help because you are not realistic enough” or simply “you are incompetent”.

No one realises how wrong this help or advice, that no one asked for, can be to someone young. Young people want to know what they can do, earn experience on their own and find a job that will be for them on their own. They do not want to feel like small children who need to hold on parent’s hand to just cross street.

I know it is hard for family and parents but how else are young people supposed to find out who they are and what they want if not on their own? How else are they supposed to learn how hard it is to find a job if not in their own by sending out CVs in all possible directions?

Life is hard and young people know it but they need to learn it and they never will if their family will not let them. They will not know what their posibilities and capabilities are, let alone who they are if no one lets them decide on their own, even if it means making some mistakes.

Young people need to learn what it is to fight for themselves on their own and they need to learn that their family and friends and work contacts will not be here all the time to help and even if they will be there maybe they will not be able to help, and what will the young person do then?Crumble or become desperate because they will not know what to do on their own?

Advice and help is not bad but it can become bad and create tension and put strain on the relationship if it is unwanted. Just ask the person whether they want help or wait for them to come to you ..

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