Little Tea Time Writings

Like Alice but with no Wonderland

When I first came into this city I was disappointed, because I have heard how beautiful it is and I must have dreamt up a pretty spectacular city and what greeted me was far from spectacular. When I first came here it was summer and I came for the university entrance exams. You would think that all cities look warm and welcoming in summer but that is not so, at least not this city and not to me.

The summer was hot, everywhere, but in this city it seemed as though you are right in the middle of burning fire, like you are an egg on pan. The first thing or things I saw were dozens of  blocks of flats with walls painted I different colors but still looking grey and bleak.

I have tried to see this city differently and I admit that there are beautiful building and that it seems that if you know where to look you can find a lot of cultural events. Even I have found some favourite places such as the Kolonial, little shop with local or homemade food just next to school, very convenient if you have only ten minutes to get something small to eat, or Papeterie, office and art supply store in one of the malls here, those are my little pieces of heaven that let me forget where I am now and make me think that this is not so bad of a place.

But otherwise when I walk in the streets to the school or from school, when I go to the mall or convenience store and I look around the city is bleak and grey and for some reason ever since the first moment I feel unwelcome, as if I am an intruder. Every time I see the horse rider statue of Jošt Moravský, it seems as though it is towering over me looking down at me and ready to come to live and chase me out the city. Whenever I see the weird looking clock, that once were so controversial even among the citizens, it seems like someone is showing me a middle finger and saying “Get out! You have no place here.”

I never felt like this in my home town, and I used to dislike my hometown because I dreamt of living in amazing big cities and I felt confined In my hometown. I never felt like this in Prague either, surrounded by all the foreign people and listening to them talking in languages that I never heard before. What is it about this city that makes me feel so unwelcome? I have tried to look at this city differently, I have tried to find answer to that question and I have tried to like this city, I have tried to look around and find its beauty that everyone else was always praising, but so far I have not succeeded (not to say that there is no chance of me starting to like this city, but I feel like it is very low).

Every time I get on the bus that takes me to Brno I have a strange feeling and maybe part of my dislike for the town is the awful highway that leads to it (out of it if you are leaving) because it takes almost three hours to get there if you are lucky and nothing happens on the highway that would cause any kind of delay. It seems as though the city is its own world and the only connection to civilisation is this dreadful highway.

But when I am leaving this city, or fleeing, this dreadful highway is like road to heaven and the further I am from Brno the more I feel like I can finally breath again be myself. It feels not only as if I am returning home, which I am in fact, but also as  though I am again free.

I can again breath and be myself even though there is this niggling feeling that I am fleeing, like a coward. Usually I would love nothing more than to explore and discover, but not this city. I was in London and Rome and Berlin and others and whenever I was even if for a few days I felt awe and I felt welcomed and at home, but not in this city.

They say that neighbours grass is greener or some such thing, but not the grass here the grass here is withered, old and yellow, grass here is dead.

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